put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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