mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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