i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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