I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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