So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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