I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
