Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
