I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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