Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
