ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
