just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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