how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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