Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
