I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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