Can i not drive my cunt home
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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