i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
