i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
