Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
