i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
