I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
