what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Come on in and take your pants off
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