it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
