So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
