yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
