Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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