all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
