He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
