theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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