Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
