I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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