well you can't waste a boner
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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