Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
