apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
