I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
