put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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