she woke up with a sticky ear
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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