Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
