in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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