He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
