she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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