ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
