mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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