I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
