we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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