dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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