For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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