Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Found your dick twin last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
