Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
