the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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