Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
