Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
