you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
