yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
