Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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