3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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